some thoughts.

My friend Aina invited me to breakfast a couple of weeks ago with a woman who is a God inspired teacher of the Word and writer of its truth. Her name is Jen Wilkin. When Aina called and invited me I would have all but moved heaven and earth to go and be a part, hoping to catch every little word that came from this mom of four’s mouth. We talked about EVERYTHING. Topics ranging from college tuition, women in the work force, how early and to what extent you end up needing to educate your kids about sex, disciplining our children, being grateful for our spouses, being grateful for being a mom. The list goes on. I have just been reeling over some of the things we discussed and in no particular order here are some of my feeble thoughts.


1) Writing. I love to write, or should I say I used to love to write. When I was in college I wrote ALL of the time. I couldn’t wait to sit down at my computer and feel the pressure release from my brain as I speedily downloaded my day by pounding away on those little keys. I wrote silly things, children’s stories, thoughts about boys and dating, thoughts about real friends, experiences from travel, food I savored. ANYTHING went. It was a stream of consciousness that was completely safe and completely mine. I didn’t care if people read it because it wasn’t about that. It was just for me. Fast forward some years and I hardly ever write. Jen and I were talking about writing, and she said, “You know it doesn’t go away. I didn’t have time to write when my kids were little. I thought maybe that part of my brain was gone and lost forever, but it wasn’t.” I can’t tell you what this did for me. I can be extreme in my decision making and perceptions. When you are a mom of small humans, it is all hands on deck. I honestly don’t have time to write for leisure that much. I am feeling pretty accomplished if I bathe, brush my teeth and change clothes before my husband gets home. I should mention that I work full-time from home, too. But honestly I don’t know if I didn’t how much that would change my ability to complete basic daily living activities. This got me thinking about seasons. Life is a constant ebb and flow of seasons. Like Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” This is good news. We are glad to see some seasons in the rearview mirror only to be grateful that God has delivered us by moving us along and then there are other seasons we are clinging to with white fist hoping they will last forever. My cousin said, “When you have kids the days have never felt so long and the years never so short.” I feel this. I was pregnant with Davis three blinks of an eye ago and now she is 15 months old and we are half way through another pregnancy. The Lord encouraged my heart. Just because this season will be one marked with hands that are serving my husband and kids, writing seldom … that is okay. Deep sigh of relief. And like the best kind of friend, I will visit writing from time to time and we will just pick up right where we left off.

2) Complaining moms. Jen was talking about being on Facebook the other day and was talking about the amount of complaining moms posting things about their kids and woes. I know sometimes people are just trying to be funny and there is certainly a feeling of does anyone else see me? Feel this? But I have several friends who are struggling with infertility and/or miscarriages and I have to think that every one of these not thought through rants is like salt on an open wound. God tells us to do EVERYthing without grumbling or complaining (Philippians 2:14). News flash. This just in. Being a mom is at times a thankless job. Our days are filled with seemingly mundane things like changing diapers, wiping counters, doing laundry, making meals and counting ounces of milk. We do them for our family but we do them for God and we worship him by pouring out our lives in these little moments. Our life is a culmination of these little moments and I want a heart that strives to serve the living God in every single one of them.

3) Discipline. Proverbs 3: 11-12 “My son, do not despise the LORD’S discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son whom he delights.” We discipline our kids because we love them and God shows us that we are one of his children the very same way. We dig deep and try to be consistent and act always in love rather than anger. Parenting with the end in mind. Jen and her husband taught a parenting class and this was a reoccurring conversation. I have to confess that I haven’t been overwhelmed about parenting. Our baby was one of those easy ones that slept through the night early and was mostly just a delight. If you don’t have that baby feel free to insert a mean comment about me and my offspring here, but I will say in regards to discipline which is still a lot of just redirecting at 15 months, I have felt totally lost at times. It was good and continues to be good for me to talk to mom’s that have older kids so I can keep my eyes on the goal, right motives plus right actions from our little ones. I would spat her hand and think, “Oh no. Was that too hard? Did she really know she wasn’t supposed to touch that?” We were talking about time out (one minute for every year in age they are). I was saying by the time we get back to her room and she goes into her crib for time out, I think she has already forgotten the offense. Jen reminded me that in the same way I practice a verbal dialogue with her of how we ask for things, our manners etc… I am creating the same dialogue with actions such as timeout. What Davy doesn’t fully comprehend today eventually she will tomorrow. This was good arsenal that I needed to continue down this path of discipline when it feels like we aren’t getting anywhere. What I also was convicted about was how quick I am to ask a mom-friend or consult a book when really…parenting, the good kind anyways, should be driven by an overflow of a deep pressing into the Holy Spirit for his guidance that I can discipline and parent with wisdom from God, who gives to all generously for those that ask (James 1:5).

4) Trusting God. Our kids need to see us trust God. They need to see us drag our worries to the foot of the cross and leave them there. When we worry in a sinful way over our kids we are communicating two things to them. 1) God was big enough to create the entire world but he can’t take care of you. 2) I know best what you need. Well, God loves our kids more than we do. We have a limited scope to even access their needs. A constant prayer in my own life continues to be, “… and Lord just save me from my own stupidity.” Let them see us pray over them, pray with them, counsel them with scripture, and rest in the presence of our perfect Father.

5) Being embarrassed when our kids mess up. I fully expect our children to disappoint us, to lie, to be mean, to act out in anger because they are wicked little sinners just like me, desperately in need of the cross of Christ. What I hope though and beg the Lord for is His salvation in their lives, for the redemption of Christ and the cross. When they mess up we can always evaluate in our own hearts did we lay fertile ground for them to sin, do I need to repent of anything? Sure. But they are also their own little souls that will independently answer to their maker. We HAVE to care more about the church, our kid’s salvation and God than we do of what others think. This means you might have to leave a party early to deal with a child. This means we go the extra mile to treat them with dignity and love in the midst of discipline and rebuke. This means we fight the deep inner urge to care how our children might reflect us and we refuse to let that anxiety rule our course of action, addressing the sin in our own life, why do we care so much about what other people think?

It might be five months before I get a spare second or hankering to write again, but that is just fine. Until then…