Never Trust the Silence.

I unloaded groceries and in a pregnant panic to relieve myself I left my two kids laughing and playing in front of the t.v., grocery bags on the kitchen floor.  Mid-stream I hear a glorious noise… silence.  As quickly as I began relishing this rare occasion in our house, I was stricken with the reality that silence with these people only occurs when they are into something thy shouldn’t be.   Once I finished my business I scurried out into the kitchen to this scene.

A $3 yogurt parfait from Central Market and a small mess earned me one trip to the bathroom by myself.  I say WORTH IT! It reminded me of the scent of smoke.  The warning signs that come before our sin engulfs us and turns into a raging fire.  It reminded me to not take sin lightly, as its end goal is death and nothing less.  Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards.”  We don’t wake up in complete rebellion to God overnight in one giant step anymore than we wake up Holy.  It is more often the journey of a  thousand small steps. For sin to take root, convictions have been silenced and urgings of the Holy Spirit supressed.  I have always heard that you shouldn’t have a secret life.  If we have things in our life that we are ashamed of, that we wouldn’t want others to see, this should raise a red flag that this thought or habit could be sinful and dangerous.  I had a friend that was walking through a difficult time in her marriage and it ultimately ended in divorce.  She kept the depth of her thoughts and struggle hidden until she finally chose to leave.  If only those first thoughts or feelings could have been spoken out loud to believers around her maybe encouragement, godly counsel and restoration could have been had.  Silence.  It can be a scary thing.  When we allow our weakness to be exposed and drag what intends to kill and destroy into the light, sin’s grip is loosened.  

David says this in Psalms 32, “For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away…” Sin management is exhausting business that eats away at our insides.  And while we may not have big plans for our less than holy thoughts and one-off sins, the evil one surely does.  John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy."

We see in the Garden of Eden, post apple consumption, both Adam and Eve had, for the first time, the inclination to duck and cover. 

Genesis 3: 7-8

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.  And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.  (8)And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD GOD among the trees of the garden.

Lord, give me the strength to trust the cross with my sin, strife and struggle.  Give me the courage to walk honestly in the light that it might be harder to enter back into familiar cozy sins.  Help me to be vulnerable and embrace genuine community that love me but more importantly love you and your church.  Thank you for loving me in spite of me not because of me.  Your grace is sufficient and sacrifice undeserved.

Some questions I have been pondering:

1)      Do I have thoughts I am grateful no one can hear?

2)      Do I have a habit or have I done something as an isolated event that I am ashamed of and hope no one finds out about?

3)      What is the worst thing that could happen if I told someone trustworthy the truth about me?

4)      What is the worst thing that could happen if I continue to hide and my sin escalates from thought/feeling to action? Or from action to habit?